For Science

I was at Price Chopper about 20 minutes ago with Tony to pick up what we lovingly refer to as “baked fried crap” (i.e., pizza rolls, frozen chicken tenders, etc.) for dinner.  At Price Chopper, I made a fantastic wholly terrifying interesting discovery.

They’ve started making flavored Michelob Ultra.  The flavors come in the following “hip” and “cutting edge” varieties:
– Dragon Fruit Peach
– Pomegranate Raspberry
– Lime Cactus
I’m alternating between abject horror and absolute glee because these sound like the worst idea ever, but an idea that seems absolutely in keeping with the whole Michelob Ultra branding scheme (better known as “pretend beer for vapid wannabe yuppies”).

I *have* to try these.  Mind you, I’ve never actually had a Michelob Ultra because it’s just not beer.  I’m not sure what it is (the phrase “science experiment” comes to mind), but it isn’t beer.  However, beer or not-beer, I will totally try these and review them here, because I anticipate the experience being, well, an experience.  If I get really motivated, I’ll have someone take pictures of my face and post them along with my reviews.

So, readers of the KC metro area, here’s what I need to know (if any of you might have ideas).  Where might I be able to put together a mixed 6-pack?  I want to try these, but I emphatically don’t want a full 6-pack of each.  I won’t drink more than enough to review them, and Lord knows I would never try to cook with them.  I like food too much to torture it like that.  So I’d like one of each as part of a mixed 6-pack.  To round it out, bonus points if I’d also be able to get ahold of a Chelada (Bud Lite plus clamato juice), a Bud American “Ale”, and something else of that ilk (perhaps just a straight Michelob Ultra so that I have it as the flavorless control comparison to its flavored brethren).  So if any of you out there have ideas as to where I could put together such a monstrosity, please let me know.  I promise to pay you back with lulz.

note:  I’m stealing the phrase “for science” from Cleolinda Jones, whose readers occasionally send her Twilight-themed food merchandise which she then tests and reviews “for science.”  It seemed the best way to describe this undertaking.


About Kim

Kim spends a lot of time writing, thinking about writing, reading, writing more and dealing with writer's block. When she's not writing, she might be found having a beer. She often combines the writing experience with the beer experience. The combination tends to lead to more creativity but significantly impaired spelling.
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5 Responses to For Science

  1. Anne says:

    I have no idea where you might find a mixed pack, but I cannot wait for you to review these.

    “Lime Cactus?!” Really?!

  2. Jen Jenkins says:

    AHAHAHAHA! I like Ultra. (I told you, I’m terrible!) The Lime Cactus is ok, if it’s very cold on a super hot day. But even I’m too chicken to try the others. I cannot wait to hear what you have to say about these.

    I think I know of a place in Springfield where I could pick up a bottle of each, I’ll check it out. I’ve been promising your mom a visit all summer long. The pool’s going to be closed if I dont hurry.

  3. Kim says:

    AWESOME – I love that you’ve actually tried one of these, Jen! I’m going to run by Lucas tomorrow or Wednesday and see I can get the “beers” from them, and if not I’ll beg you to see if you can get them. Thank you!

  4. HMS Hawkii says:

    YES JEN, YOU HAVE!!!! And the pool closes after this weekend…. just sayin’ *hop face* but your bed is ready, the cockatiel won’t be your roomie (he’s been adopted), and seriously? My knee has been released to swim AND you can help with Great Science Experiment (I’m taking pictures – not touching this stuff, unless of course, Kim likes it for some odd reason and I have to check her mental health). C’mon up!

    • Jen Jenkins says:

      I have company coming this weekend or I’d head that way!

      Kim…I’d love to help with the science experiment. After we try the gross stuff, you could expand my horizons with some good pilsners and blondes.

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