FAIL.

I have now officially tried flavor-added Michelob Ultra (with my poor family, who tried it as well and provided me with excellent quotes to share with you people).  Shown below are the “Raspberry Pomegranate” flavor, the “Lime Cactus” flavor, and the last dregs of my dad’s homebrew 1554 clone, which I had planned on finishing off as a reward for my sufferings.  (Please note:  it didn’t end up happening like this.  More on this in a moment.)

Notice that both flavors ARE THE SAME EXACT COLOR.  In no world do limes and pomegranates create juice of the same color.  Throwing that out there.
Note:  flavor additions add 0 calories (flavored or not, your Michelob Ultra is 95 calories) and 2.9 grams of carbs, and lower the ABV from 4.2% to 4.0%.  

Not that the .2% difference in alcohol volume is going to hinder your ability to get drunk on this stuff.  There’s no way anyone could possibly manage to get drunk with this.  You’re likely to burp yourself to death before you even feel a buzz.  Because it’s, um, carbonated.  Like pop (or soda, for you coast-located people)-level carbonated.  I have something of an inability to burp, so the carbonation level did not in any way improve my drinking experience.  However, if you enjoy burping for fun or profit, this beer may be what you’re looking for to create window-shaking, Richter-Scale-registering burpage.  I mean, look at these bubbles:

The sampling went as follows.  Per poll breakdown, I ended up mixing two of the results and drinking the beer very, very cold, in the bottle and with a straw.  We also poured some over ice for family sampling purposes.  I tried the Raspberry Pomegranate first, then the Lime Cactus, then an unholy mixture of the two, and then a reward sip of the 1554.

When I finally let myself have a sip, the 1554 tasted like celery.
Yes.
Celery.

So to sum up: the object of the next few posts can destroy your taste buds in new and interesting ways.  Or to put it more bluntly:  NEVER, NEVER DRINK THIS.  EVER.