The Roy Pitz Watermelon Experience

I think it must be some strange, sadistic aspect of human nature that makes us say “OMG THIS IS AWFUL TRY IT NOW.”  Typically, when someone has the “OH AWK GOD MAKE IT STOP” reaction to food (specifically when that reaction has been in all caps), I find I *want* to try whatever the offending food/beverage is.  I’m curious to find out what horror could evoke that kind of reaction, and curious to find out if I’ll agree.  I’m apparently a touch masochistic when it comes to food.

The following beer is one of the beers that falls into the “so terrible everyone should try it at least once” category:  the Roy Pitz Lovitz (Watermelon) BubbleYum Lager.  Enjoy.

Basic Info:
Name:
Lovitz Lager (the Watermelon Lager)
Origin: Roy Pitz Brewing Co., Chambersburg, PA
Style: Fruit Beer
ABV: 3.5%
IBU: not listed, but irrelevent.  This stuff is anti-hop, as I’ll detail below: this may be the first beer I’ve ever had whose IBU is a negative number.
I drank this: on tap at Porters in Easton, PA

This is a very pale amberish lager with heavy carbonation. and a slightly pinkish, thin head.  It tastes like soda water.  As in it has no taste whatsoever, nothing to distinguish it from regular water beyond the carbonation.  To the point where I decided for one brief moment that it could be refreshing if it were really steamy hot out and one liked to drink mostly flavorless liquids on steamy hot days.  (This is how I’ve since tried to rationalize the B- rating for this beer on BeerAdvocate.)  I also decided during that same brief moment that it might be passable as fizzy limeade if someone were to squeeze lime into it.

And then I swallowed.  This was mistake number two, mistake number one being to try the beer in the first place.

This stuff (I have an issue calling it beer at this point), it has an aftertaste of artificial bubblegum flavoring.  It is bad.  Vile.  Reprehensible.

And it Wouldn’t. Go. Away.

Seriously.  The flavor just hung out in my mouth, a fake bubblegum addition to the Dogfish Head 60-minute  IPA I ordered immediately thereafter in an attempt to rid myself of the stale Bazooka Joe aftertaste.  This watermelon lager is a hop killer.  I didn’t think anything could kill hops – I always thought it went the other way around, that hops could kill the flavor of anything else they so chose.  I was apparently wrong, and am disturbed to learn that hop happiness can be taken away by something so banal as 3 sips of flavorless, fizzy, feeble watermelon lager.

If you enjoy schaudenfreude, I cannot recommend this beer highly enough – order it forthwith for someone else and watch the fun.  If you’re the type of masochist who, like me, reads something like this review and says “Self, I must try this immediately,” then do yourself a favor and just get a sample.  Three sips is more than plenty.

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About Kim

Kim spends a lot of time writing, thinking about writing, reading, writing more and dealing with writer's block. When she's not writing, she might be found having a beer. She often combines the writing experience with the beer experience. The combination tends to lead to more creativity but significantly impaired spelling.
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4 Responses to The Roy Pitz Watermelon Experience

  1. Anne says:

    I had a teacher in high school who used to talk about the weirdness of schadenfreude. Why do we feel the need to share our bad sensory experiences with others? Conversely, why, when our friends are colleagues are bemoaning the awfulness of something, do we have the urge to try it?

    I would try this beer for that reason, even though I am sorry for your stale Bazooka Joe lots.

  2. What’s interesting to me is that if someone tells me that something is absolutely awesome, I’ll try it but may not agree. However, when someone tells me something is bloody terrible, I will try it and nearly always agree. I think the urge to try the terrible thing has something to do with getting a good story out of it – it’s always fun to talk about the bad stuff, for some reason.

  3. Sarah says:

    So I really want to try this beer. But the funny thing is that I think I might actually like it. Side note: For those of you who don’t know Kim, now me, or those who do and are unaware of our beer conflicts I generally hate most beers Kim loves. I. HATE. HOPS. (Something that Kim helped me figure out, thank you Kim.) Kim and Tony think it is quite funny to give me hoppy beers to taste and to watch the involuntary “icky beer” reaction (which is sort of like the bitter beer face from whatever commercial that was, but it has a little more oomph to it…which I realize is an even more appropriate comparison now that I am learning more about hops by reading this blog…anyway Kims blog not mine. Getting to the point.) Kim, I think I might actually like this beer. I love Stiegl Gaudi Radler Shandy. If you have never had it, it is half pilsner, half lemon soda. Yes, soda. Not lemonade. It is awesome. Light and fresh. Sort of sweet and extra fizzy. Mmmmmm. So I may have to try this. But, unlike in your experience, not be cause I think it will be awful. It may still be awful. But I could also be the target audience for this beer. I will see if I can get some at the same little liquor store that has my Radler, and I will get back to you.

  4. Pingback: Homework Wine 10/31/10 « Procrastination Party of One

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